Why I love opinionated people

aka "How I listened to Mindy Kaling's audiobook in two days"
aka "Mindy Kaling and I share a disturbing number of opinions"

In a different world, another time, Mindy Kaling and I could have been best friends. Kindred spirits that meet, bond, and after a lifetime of overt criticism, become the two crazy old ladies that do what that want and everyone is secretly jealous of. I know this now because I finally got my hands on a copy of her book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns).

I have spent my entire life in college towns. This is both illuminating and exhaustingly frustrating. I love that the general populace are learning addicts, much like myself, proudly wearing their nerd quirks for the world to see. I dislike that I spend most of my life waiting for books on hold because I am surrounded by hordes of unabashed bibliophiles, much like myself. Books that would not be popular in other towns have over 300 people in line at my local library. Growing up, I solved these dilemmas by going to Barnes and Noble and buying the book. (Need to add: I also enjoyed this easy fix, because three out of four times, I ran into my super cool older brother camped out in a chair reading something ridiculously nerdy, like books on calculus or programming. One time, he was half hidden in the transit between the Children's section and the Teen section, so well hidden that I only noticed his distinct hair from my second story perch because I was looking for it. He could have been a creepy pedophile if he was not so thoroughly engrossed in his book. And I loved him even more for it. Second note: this was a long sidebar, I am not sorry. If you know my brother, I am certain you find him majestic. If you don't know my brother and are missing that sort of je ne sais quoi in your life, I suggest you move to Texas. He will force you to understand things you could care less about, which everyone needs a little of in their life. His wife is hands down the friendliest woman I have ever met. She is a lover, not a fighter. And while his two kids can at times be overwhelming - because they are children and that is their nature - they are whippet smart and high energy tornadoes that will one day change the world with their awesomeness. Third note: Now I am sorry. I could talk for hours about my brother. Fourth note: I love you, Steve. Stay awesome.) As I filled my bookshelf and began stacking books, I would dream of the day that I lived in a home of my own where I would have more than a bedroom to put books in. Well folks, I live in a 1950s ranch style home with built ins out the whazoo and I am out of space for my books. 

Which is why it took me three years to read/listen to this bit of hilarity.

Opinionated people are hands down my favorite people in the world. They know what they like, they know what they don't, and they will tell you exactly what they expect from any given situation without reserve. I love someone with some good ole' tenacity. At my best, I am a classic introvert. I hold a general distaste for large gatherings of any kind and frequently tell my husband, "But.....people. I hate people." like that is some kind of justifiable reason to not attend whatever function he is shoving me out  of the door to. This is my largest flaw.  But every now and then, my husband will walk through the door with a twinkle in his eye and say, "I met someone today that I think you are going to like."

I live for these moments. I live for these people.

Mindy Kaling is an opinionated little ball of awesome.

If you have not read this book, you should do so immediately. Especially if you agree with any of the following statements:

- The Jews are formidable. They gave us bagels, the superiority complex, and produce the most bull-headed human beings on the planet. Make friends with as many Jewish people as you can immediately. Your life will forever be changed for the better. 

- Chest hair is sexy. Men should have hairy chests. This is NOT a debate.

- Women are beautiful and alluring no matter their dress size. Again, this is NOT a debate.

- Pierce Brosnan is a sexy, sexy, sexy man. 

-"People who love to eat are always the best people." - Julia Child*

Read it people. You've had three years of opportunities. Read the book. You're welcome.

*If you do not agree with myself and Julia Child, we are no longer friends.

Ruler of the Home

I believe in the power of a name.

If I had known ahead of time that Henry was going to be diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, I would have chosen a name that was derived from something docile. (I just looked this up, my child would totally have rocked Masueto or Nao, who cares if he is whiter than white.) Since I did not know this, I chose Henry. I willingly fought to name my son Henry. For months. I spent months picking away at my husband's defenses until he finally agreed, albeit conditionally, that we could name our second son Henry. "If he looks like a Henry when he comes out."

We thought he did.

Henry's SPD frequently remind me of Henry VIII.  Yes.  My toddler reminds me of the man that divorced the British nation from Catholicism, then his wife, and then became so disagreeable he killed the woman that he spent seven years of his life attempting to bed and created a new church for because someone said that she might be sleeping around and with her brother. I am constantly amazed by Henry VIII. I am also constantly amazed by my little tyrannical Henry.

Today Henry:
- pushed his brother off a chair
- tried to befriend an ant and then stomped him to oblivion when he was bitten
- bit my thigh and then curled into fetal position and sobbed with remorse
- spent the entire day naked and adamantly refusing all clothing except his new black crocs
- tipped over three kitchen chairs
- knocked two closet doors off their runners
- stole all of his brothers food and then slapped him with a plate when he tried to take it back
- tackled his 16 month little brother to the floor
- yelled at Tom Hiddleston's portrayal of Captain Hook in the Pirate Fairy, calling him "a big, mean, meany!", at the top of his extremely healthy lungs
- threw a bean bag chair across the room

To be fair, Henry also rubbed my back gently and gave me constant hugs in between his reigns of terror. And like Henry of Tudor times, he is incredibly athletic, intelligent, charming, and strong. When he chooses to be.

I am constantly amazed that women still choose to have children. I mean, I chose to have Henry after having Walter, a clearly gifted child that started talking at 5 months and hasn't stopped since. ("Can we eat hamburgers again today? I am feeling carnivore-ish. Like a dinosaur.") Don't get me wrong, I adore my boys. They are the light of my light, even on days when I think I might die alone in prison from losing my inner battle to kill one of them. All women are secret sadists.

And today, I can't help but think that I really should have named this kid Nao.